Once, in the midst of an argument, my husband and I have reminded each other who makes how much money. When he did it, I got defensive and reminded him I made more during the first few years of our marriage. And I was also guilty. I had once argued that I should be able to do something I wanted because I made more money at the time. Never a good idea.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you said something and immediately wished you could take the words hanging in the air back?
Here are 5 things you should never say to your partner.
- “I make more money than you.” Take my advice. This argument will never get you anywhere good. It shouldn’t matter who makes more; you should both feel equally empowered and entitled.
- Mention breaking up: Often in a difficult moment, it can be easy to think about breaking up as a solution, even when it’s not the solution. It’s not uncommon to search for a way out of pain. However, if you stick with it and work it out, it is most often just a difficult day that will pass. When you threaten it, you may regret it later.
- “I hate you.” Be careful what you say in moments of passion/anger. Critical words are never helpful in fixing a problem. “You always...” or “you never...” are often being spoken out of a place of pain. I used to do it, thinking that it would get my husband’s attention and let him know I needed him to change something, but instead of motivating him, it discouraged him from even hearing me or trying, since he felt like it was an unfair accusation.
- “It's your fault.” Assigning blame only takes us further into disagreement and isolation. Remember, you’re a team, and you can be part of the solution.
- Nothing (silent treatment). The silent treatment is an immature way to communicate that you’re upset about something. There is a place to reserve your words when you feel like you are too emotional, but once you have your emotions in check, pick a good time to communicate how you feel and why you feel this way. When it’s not done out of reaction, this will bring a positive outcome.